I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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