so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
