woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize