singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
