Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
