so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
