there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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