I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
