we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
