Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
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this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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