No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize