he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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