halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize