You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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