I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients