also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...