Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?