The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.