Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house