tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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