Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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