cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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