After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
