Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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