Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize