Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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