Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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