my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
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he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.