she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.