I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants