just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's always time for handjobs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
