Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
