FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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