I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize