Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
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I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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