The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
