A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize