i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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