Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
