last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
