??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
