you would pick up someone in the library
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
