Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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