Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize