Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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