I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
