You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
