Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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