Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
