I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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