i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
