I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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