What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
