So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
