I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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