sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize