You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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